FREE INDEED

Growing up I was never one to envision my life with a great relationship with my MIL (mother in law), as my friend, Sha’ refers to her MIL. I knew getting married was a dream of mine… Even though my mom never married my stepdad who pretty much raised us. I remember he being with us as early as my 2nd grade year of elementary. 

 My high school sweetheart mom didn’t care much for me. He was her only child. To this day, I don’t know why she treated me with contempt. She pretty much treated him as if he were her lover. Ironically, she managed to find my phone number and phone me a few months ago. She asked for the praying strategy I used praying for my husband. I was informed my sister Kim, crossed her path at a local store years ago and told her I had a great man! 😊 I was very nice to her and blessed her with my time and wisdom. Anyhow, her son and I were one year apart. She wouldn’t let him take me to school or ride in the car with him. After he graduated, he went off to college and I finished high school. Eventually we lost contact. 
I met a perfect gentleman during my freshman year of college out partying. His family absolutely adored me and I adored them as well. Every single family member (he had a large family). I had never experienced so much love… They were such kind hearted, authentic and inviting folks. They treated me as if I were borne into the family. The relationship ended as he obviously wasn’t in God’s long term plan for my life.

Several years later, I met the love of my life! My handsome, sweet smelling, charming, green eyed, most sexy beloved! I was initially swept away. From the time I laid eyes on him, I knew he was the one. He was not from Dallas. We occasionally would visit his family. Upon meeting them, I immediately feel in love with his grandmother. She warmly welcomed me into her world. My husband mom and I hit it off but there was no relationship between us. I had hoped we could develop a strong connection. A few years in our marriage, I asked my husband why they never visited us and felt the relationship was one sided so I wasn’t too fond on continuing to make the 6 hour drive with no reciprocity. 

We got pregnant and I thought this would be a great time to develop a relationship with my MIL. In my 9th month of pregnancy, she visited Dallas with a church conference and I anxiously awaited her arrival. I was excited to connect with her and write down any advice on parenting. I wanted to share my unborn sons nursery with her but to no avail. We didn’t receive a visit but we did drive to Downtown Dallas to meet up with she and her friends for dinner… I was unsettled and crushed. It hurt bad. Nevertheless, I got over it, after all, life happens. My son was born, we drove down to introduce our baby to his family. I didn’t want to do the drive. I thought are they not suppose to be visiting us. I’d seen all of my friends who were having babies,  parents and in-laws come down for weeks at a time to visit. Not Kenny or Tasha, we did ALL the learning ourselves. It was tough. But God! 

Last year we celebrated the tragic death of my sister and 1 year nephew. When this occurred, I experienced a time of blur. however, to my remembrance, the city of Dallas flocked to the funeral in hundreds. We had so much support! This period was a phase of utter turmoil. However, we felt a flood of peace and comfort in which words can’t describe. The peace of God and those he directed to support our family was miraculous. My neighbor Nikki contacted me days after the funeral. She asked how I was doing. I tried to explain to her I was fine and honored the community supported us in hundreds. She went on to tell me she was present and she and I hugged. In that very moment, I paused and realized how survivor mode had become my new normal. I didn’t get a chance to grieve. My son needed me to be strong, my nieces- now daughters needed me, my husband needed me. I didn’t realize all who attended my beautiful sisters homegoing. Days later, I realized my mother in law, nor did a soul from my husbands family (and they are numerous), showed up in support of the tragic passing of my loved ones… I was hurt, upset, puzzled as I never did harm to anyone in his family. I thought, my goodness Lord, how could I not be of any value to them. 

Suddenly, I realized how Jesus extends grace to us. He died on the cross for all our sins, past, present and future. And… who am I to hold unforgiveness in my heart? I realized who God says I am-worthy, royalty, valued, made in his image and likeness. I thought about the people who do care and absolutely adore me. I also thought how blessed I was to have had my college friend family literally show up at my deceased sister’s house the night after her death with no electricity due to the storm and begin planning my sister’s funeral with us. They did not leave our presence. 

I dried up my tears and quickly (well not so quickly but it wasn’t like the Israelites who wandered in the wilderness for forty years. I vowed never ever to let anyone block my blessings by being angry and holding on to unforgiveness. I just couldn’t afford to not be in sync with my father. They may never ask for forgiveness but it doesn’t matter. I have closure. Christ said forgive seventy time seven. Unforgiveness is a sin and it attempted to separate me from the one who affirms me, pursues me relentlessly, and loves me enough to die for. 

I then marveled at how blessed I am that the most important person in my life, my husband, my rock, my better half, and the man who God designed just for me had never left my side. I laughed out loud at myself for being foolish and allowing my mind to even focus on what I wasn’t getting and mediated on the blessing of a lifetime. 

Satan flee, be gone! I’m free. I have forgiven. I passed the test. Destiny, I’m after you. 

“Forgive and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37

“Bear with each other  and forgive one another. If anyof you have grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

Love and Be Free,

Tash Briggs